Amidst the chaos and stress of the past weeks, I had an additional unpleasant experience –  for the fourth time in my life, I flunked a test.

Daughter Lisa and granddaughter Josie went with me to the Driver’s License Office to renew my driver’s license in time for my September 6 deadline, and I failed the eye test.  Oh, rats!

Perhaps I should explain that the first three tests I failed in my lifetime, were the first three times I failed to be awarded a New York State Driver’s License.  I very luckily made it on the fourth try, or otherwise I’d have been out of luck because New York had a “four strikes and you’re out!” policy.

The only other time I had to take a driving test was when we moved to Washington State, and I am embarrassed to say that I only passed it through trickery.  I won’t get into it here, but be assured that, yes, I am sorry for all the sins of my past life including that one.

Nobody seems to understand why I want to have a driver’s license anyway.  Disliking the possibility that I might kill a pedestrian or passenger, I had the good sense to quit driving several years ago.  So you may ask, since I don’t drive, –  why do a need a license to not do it.

The first reason is that – in spite of the photo of the ugly woman they keep putting on it – I have always been proud of having a driver’s license. It’s so cool.  Whenever anybody asks to see my license, I can’t get it out and flash it in front of them fast enough.  (With my thumb over the photo, of course.)

And the other reason I want to have one is because so does everybody else.  I don’t want to be left out.  And I don’t want people to think I’m an illegal alien.

Actually, it was a surprise to no one that I failed the eye test.  Thanks to my rotten timing, I’m scheduled for surgery in September and October to get the cataracts removed from my eyes.  A few months earlier and I might of aced the test.

The nice lady at the Driver’s License counter said that while she couldn’t renew my license, I could come back as soon as both eyes are completely healed and take it again.  Bleakly I asked, “But if my license is expired, won’t I have to take the driver’s test again?”  “No”, she said cheerfully. “I’ll make a note that you were here on time to renew the license but that you have to wait till after the surgery to take the test again.” 

HOORAY.  Thank heavens.  That means I won’t have to be the first 80 year old enrolled in Driver’s Ed after all.

In the meantime, I’m still going to flash around my Washington State Driver’s License with great pride. It’ll be trickier though. l’ll need to use both thumbs.  One over the photo and one over the Expiration Date.