Just got home from Costco.  Daughter Gretchen ferries me there every 3 weeks or so.  I’d say that about 98 percent of all the food and beverages consumed in this house comes from there.

Costco seems to follow the example of Jesus.  They multiply the loaves and fishes and then package them in the large economy size so you’ll have enough to go around.

When it comes to Costco shopping, I’m a fanatic. And a bulky one at that.

Gretchen and I don’t just buy groceries.  We purchase Costco prescriptions, eyeglasses, photos, household items, TVs, DVD players, cameras, office supplies, appliances, gas for the car, furniture, my future hearing aid, and dozens of other trinkets and treasures.

When it comes time to plant me, I hope to have my ashes placed in one of Costco’s reasonably-priced urns.  (Or, you could choose a casket if you prefer not to make your grand departure while smoking.)

Last year, Gretchen did the contracting to get my upstairs renovated (the house, not my noggin.)  All the flooring for all six bedrooms and both stairways came from Costco.  Gretchen had it all timed to do the purchase when the $8 off coupon for packets of laminated flooring planks became available, and that little trick shaved $600 off the cost of what turned out to be a splendiferous new upstairs.

It’s a rule around here that if Gretchen or I are going to make a purchase, we check it out at Costco first.  There are 5 reasons why.

First is that we’ve been doing this so many years, we have unfailing trust in Costco’s Kirkland label.  I don’t think they make body parts, but if I ever need a pacemaker, I’m shopping there first.

Second is that they let us return anything for a full refund and they smile while they’re doing it.  Four years ago, we bought a non-stick cookware set that we’ve shared between our two houses.  We recently decided we were disappointed in its performance so last week we took it back and got the full price refunded.  (Don’t use non-stick.  Go stainless.)

Third is we each get an annual “Reward” of up to $500 for shopping there. Most purchases generate a 2 percent reward which caps out each year at $500.  Gretchen and I used to share our Executive Membership but we each have our own now so we can be eligible for the full amount – just in case. Plus we use our Costco/American Express cards to pay for everything which annually generates another 1 percent refund of all purchases. We both make business purchases there and it all adds up.

Fourth, the Executive Member coupons are an important seasoning used on the Costco gravy train.  Their strategic use saves lots of money every year.  And in the friendly Costco way, you only need to hand the checker one coupon — anything else in your cart that is coupon-eligible is automatically honored for the discount.

And finally, Costco exacts strict requirements from its vendors.  As an example, the new washer and dryer I bought there last year only came with a one year Whirlpool warranty.  But because they’re sold at Costco, the warranty is extended one more year without charge.

By now, you may have gotten the idea that I am a satisfied shopper.  Smug satisfaction comes in the giant economy size at Costco.  Go Costco!