Be humane. Gadgets need just as much care and affection as does your slobbery doodle dog or your love-starved pit bull. Gadgets deserve to have a nice home in a drawer somewhere in your house where they can pretend to be useful and where they may someday be pondered over by future generations who may wonder what they were for.
According to my extensive research on the subject (engaged in while assessing the clutter in our kitchen drawers) a mark of sophisticated civilization can surely be assessed by the number of gadgets contained therein which have no possible purpose that anybody can think of.
Some gadgets, of course, can be quite helpful. Take this one, for example. Future generations may be puzzled to learn that this is a vegetable peeler – used by the humans on Planet Earth who tended to eat a lot of carrots and potatoes. According to Octo-woman, it’s the best vegetable peeler there is on earth, and don’t you forget it. Maybe you could give one of its littermates a nice home, where it can live with you happily ever after till it succumbs after its long and fruitful life. It’s waiting for you to rescue it from its shelter here: https://a.co/d/21Ok4m3
Another gadget worth adopting is this long-handled can opener. I first became acquainted with this strange looking treasure when I was trying to open No. 10 size cans, but discovered it does any size can better, faster and cleaner than any of its jealous competitors. It gets dull after a year or so and I used to replace it with a new one, but now I just sharpen its blade with sandpaper and it repays me by continuing to open cans like they’re made of butter. I know my great-great-great grandchildren won’t have any idea what it’s for because probably by then, their robots will know how to open cans with their teeth, but meanwhile, here in our kitchen, it’s my can-do friend. I just wish I had more cans to open. You can adopt one here: https://a.co/d/8kXrG57
This is another pet gadget you might want to consider adding to your drawers. All of your descendants living on future planets will be able to figure out what scissors were for. They will know that obviously, the object must have been used to cut stuff, but it will be harder to glean what this related little trinket was for. If you cut into as much stuff as I do – paper, cloth, hair, meat, plastic, rope, or possibly toenails- you know that after a time, those handy Fiskars-type scissors lose their lust for slicing through their victims. They get very dull. That’s why you need this gadget in your junk drawer. It’s a Fiskars-type scissors sharpener, and even if you’re not Hannibal Lector, you’ll be glad you made its acquaintance the next time you have some kind of a body to cut up. It’s already housebroken, and you can file for adoption here: https://a.co/d/7E64zUy
And speaking of cutting, we have to talk about knives, – or, as I used to fondly think of them – as my “separators” since “slicing” had become a distant, dull, and rusty attribute of their former lives. Not anymore though. Several kinds of “knife sharpeners” are residing in a drawer here at Kartar Ridge Ranch but this little pet is definitely the friendliest and gets the most treats. As long as I hold the knife securely upside down with the tip extending off the kitchen counter, quick and easy, I can turn the sharpener into a weapon of mass destruction, or, at least, a sufficient means of nicely slicing the contents of a can of Spam. Follow the directions. This lonely but affectionate pet has already had all its shots and is waiting to hear from you at: https://a.co/d/9haBdT6
This is another gadget whose purpose may puzzle our future descendants but it could be a welcome asset in your kitchen today. It happens to be a jar lid opener which – unlike others of its breed – can actually open jar lids. You may be unaware that there are those among us who suffer from opening-jar-lid-impairment and have been known to resort to the use of a ball-peen hammer and very unladylike language. In the interests of privacy, I will of course, not identify the individual by name except to say that it was my daughter Lisa. After finally running out of cusswords that day, she went online shopping and found this gadget and we have been fighting over its ownership ever since. If you feel you would like to make room in your home for a similar pet that you will learn to love, check it out here: https://a.co/d/i0tRKvf
Finally, before I sign off on tonight’s blob, I was thinking you might need some encouragement as to whether your residence could accommodate any of these homeless gadgets. Perhaps a little mood music would help. I realize that all the starring roles in the video went to doggies and kitty-cats, but surely there must be a place in it for – at least – a can opener. https://youtu.be/08SLFf7mrwQ
Forget all the other stuff, I’m still stuck at, and mortified to think of, robots with TEETH!
The best gadget I have had the privilege to have doesn’t fit in a drawer or on a shelf or in a cupboard for the last couple years stands 5 feet tall weighs 106 pounds and is irreplaceable. I would recommend every household should have one but this gadget is one of a kind and we are fortunate to have a gadget named Gwendolyn Patricia Ford.
One interesting observation I have made is that not only does Gwendolyn Patricia Ford have the perfect gadget for any household task but she also has all kinds of miscellaneous odds and ends hidden away. Need any size battery? She’s got them all! Any type of light bulb? She’s got all types. Need a hook, hanger, paper clip, thumbtack? She’s got them too!! A couple nights ago I asked her if she had a spare bandaid and she pulled out a drawer with all kinds of medical supplies including tourniquets. And ace bandages etc!
If there is ever an earthquake or other disaster you may want to head for Kartar Ridge Ranch. She has food and emergency items stocked piled too!!
I now can’t believe I don’t have scissor- or knife-sharpeners in my house. But I must agree with Denise: it’s hard not thinking about robot teeth now.
What has amazed and impressed me my whole life is that NONE of these gadgets, (photo albums, the ten thousand video tapes she took of us growing up, life-saving accouterments, and other assorted whatnots) are to be seen by the casual visitor to the house. Mom has a super-human ability to store and organize things so that they seem to magically appear just when you need them. Marie Condo, eat your heart out.
Even living next door you wouldn’t know any of these things existed until they’re needed. Amazing organization techniques that I need to work on!!
Well here’s the gadget we’ve needed this week!! Just hoping Kartar Ranch was spared! https://m.media-amazon.com/images/S/stores-image-uploads-na-prod/f/AmazonStores/ATVPDKIKX0DER/d3819a69b63c419051614929e10ab852.w3000.h600._CR0%2C0%2C3000%2C600_SX3000_.png