Today is Saturday. I usually post my blob after midnight on Saturday nights, but now I’m running late because of something that happened an hour ago. It was really painful.
This is a copy of my receipt for 5 Powerball tickets for tonight’s drawing. It’s been quite a few years since I owned a lottery ticket, but when I saw that tonight’s drawing was for 825 million dollars, it sounded like an offer I couldn’t refuse. Five 2 dollar tickets – one of which was likely to win 825 million dollars. What a bargain!
I was very confident. I began drawing up a list of how I would – judiciously, of course – spend my winnings. I decided I would either buy the state of Washington, Costco’s meat department, or fund humanitarian research dedicated to solving world hunger as well as hair loss in elderly women. I would even buy some new socks.
The Powerball drawing was scheduled for 11 pm and by then I was aglow with my visions of the riches awaiting me. At 11:02 pm, I googled the drawing results and this was what appeared:
It really hurt my feelings. After all I did for it, the Powerball machine didn’t include a single number from all the ones on my ticket. And it didn’t even say “I’m sorry”.
After I pulled myself together, I decided to do some research on how I had been so abused. One of the most helpful sites I found – northjersey.com – gave a list of 12 things that are more likely to happen to me than winning the lottery. I’ll summarize them here:
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- Odds of being audited – 1 in 160.
- Odds of finding a pearl in an oyster – 1 in 12,000.
- Odds of finding a four-leaf clover – 1 in 10,000.
- Odds of getting struck by lightening – 1 in 15,300.
- Odds of getting killed by a venomous plant or animal – 1 in 44,459.
- Odds of getting killed by a bee sting – 1 in 44,562.
- Odds of an asteroid hitting the earth – 1 in 75,000.
- Odds of dying in a plane crash – 1 in 188,364.
- Odds of having conjoined twins – 1 in 200,000.
- Odds of getting attacked by a bear – 1 in 2.7 million
- Odds of getting attacked by a shark – 1 in 3.7 million.
- Odds of getting killed by a vending machine. 1 in 112 million.
The odds on winning the Powerball lottery are 1 in 292 million. That’s a lot of zeroes.
I guess I’d better contribute my own statistic:
- Odds of squandering $10 on 5 infertile Powerball tickets – 1 to 1.
Well, live and learn. But like they say in Hunger Games: May the odds be forever with you!
Lessons that we pay for in cash often stick. Boy can I relate to that!
It was more painful for me because I paid for the tickets and now I am waiting to be arrested for abuse
Don’t be so picky. The best things in life are free. Or paid for in installments.
I don’t accept spam from time to time as installments. Spam on a shingle? Kinda like barbecue pulled pork sandwich from a food truck. Or as Matt would say. Who wants a scone?
Spam is in a food group all its own, young man. As for my outstanding loan, I am reconsidering whether investing $10 in an expired lottery ticket is a really wise investment.
Octowoman, I’d say if someone (throat clearing here for you, Curt) is silly enough to buy you lottery tickets without money in hand, it’s a birthday present! So happy birthday to you.
Chris, I just discovered that tonight’s Powerball is for one billion dollars. Do you think you could suggest to my supplier that he should finance one more “birthday gift”? But this time, tell him to pick nicer numbers.