I was shot recently. Twice. In my left arm.

It will happen to you, too, when you get scheduled for the Covid vaccine. They will shoot you! Possibly twice, 3 to 4 weeks apart. I just thought I should let you know. And afterwards, they won’t even give you a sucker or a balloon – just a little report card with stickers on it that looks like a certificate for a free coffee at Starbucks, but isn’t.

There are three excellent reasons for getting shot, however. The first is that because of the unfriendly nature of the coronavirus, you may have an interest in avoiding a possible early death. The second is that for maybe the only time in your life, you will be receiving FREE MEDICAL CARE. And finally, it means that, soon, we can all once again be free to come together – coughing, sneezing, and spitting on each other in public, just like normal people do.

My daughter Lisa ferried me to the O.K. Corral at high noon for both the shootings. She kindly provides this service, I suspect, because she knows that as soon as her mask-wearing mother’s glasses fog up, she’ll be walking into the walls.

Both shootings followed the same script. A line of masked AARP member/candidates was lined up outside the building about a half-car-length apart pretending to be nonchalant about the coming event. As we gradually edged into the building, an apparently friendly lady was greeting everyone who entered with questions which I couldn’t hear but which sounded like “How many times have you vacationed in Wuhan, China recently?” I must have passed her test because we were invited to step inside to stand on a series of magical circles on the floor, socially distanced to be 6 feet apart. As soon as the next circle was vacated, we were to hop-scotch forward.

Encouraging us on our long trail through the magical circles, and guiding our journey, were several more exceedingly friendly individuals. One of them gently pressed a clipboard into my hand with questions on it needing Yes-No or Don’t-Know answers on it. I’m not sure what they asked because of my foggy glasses but I think I marked “No” to all, even the ones as to whether I was pregnant or breastfeeding. (Due to the excessive fertility of my earlier years, I am still convinced that at least some of my children must have been the result of a virgin birth. Persistent organs in there might still be hardwired and secretly churning, just waiting to yell “Surprise! The old lady has done it again!”).

Finally, we arrived at the target room where an equally gracious young woman – masked, of course, and fully armed with her trusty syringe – welcomed us warmly, and told me to choose which arm she should puncture. Having only two to choose from, I was able to quickly demonstrate my exceptional decisiveness. “The left.” I announced, stoically. I was about to explain why my left arm was the one chosen to be so lucky, when I heard, “All done! You just had your Pfizer vaccination!”

Still congratulating us, she presented me with my little card with stickers on it, and ushered us out into a hallway lined with more of the magical circles and another line of congenial guides leading us to a huge reception area full of other shot victims. One of the guides kindly rushed to swipe disinfectant on a bench so Lisa and I could sit down and “wait”. During that time, we were under observation to make sure (1) that we would continue successfully working on our crossword puzzle; (2) that we didn’t sneak out before 15 minutes were up; and (3) to ascertain that I didn’t go into cardiac arrest as a reaction to all that convivial hospitality.

It turns out nearly everybody working the line – the pleasant guides, the actual shooters, and all those conscientious observers in the waiting room – were VOLUNTEERS! And many of them hadn’t even had their own turn to be vaccinated and were exposing themselves for our safety, not their own. True kindness and philanthropy in action!

Thank you to all those heroic folks who made it such an efficient and comfortable experience. I hope that you – and they – will soon enjoy a similar one. And thanks, too, to Kaiser Permanente, for including me among the early lucky patients they’ve been busy shooting!

Finally, a word about my “reaction” to the Pfizer vaccine. My son Matthew and Lisa both had a couple days of temperatures, chills, lethargy following their Moderna shots. Nothing like that has happened to me yet, but if I find out it got me pregnant, I suggest you stay away from the Pfizer vaccine at all costs!