I faced one of my personal demons today. Successfully. And it was almost painless. After weeks of dread, I took a deep breath, rolled up my sleeves, prayed for strength and tackled a fearsome task head-on. Yes, I did it. I finally cleaned out my purse.

It wasn’t a pretty task. I didn’t find anything alive in there, unless you count the mold on a half-eaten package of peanut butter cheese crackers, but it was teeming with semi-prehistoric artifacts destined for the garbage or recycling container.

Lots of cash register receipts were in seclusion in there as were expired coupons, expired credit and membership cards, a comb for when I used to need one, half of a semi-petrified Snickers bar, a stick of what might have been chewing gum, a container for missing sunglasses, a photo-copy of my driver’s license before it was confiscated by the Washington State Department of Motor Vehicles, a collection of free toothbrushes, dental floss samples, and other paraphernalia hopefully forced on me by my dental hygienist, and my Ivar’s Fish card entitling me to free fish and chips every year on my birthday. I could ramble on but I don’t want to run out of ink.

Once I had identified and shoveled aside the debris, I cleaned up the purse, and then pondered what to put back inside. The following are some recommended items Google suggests. (If you are the parent of young children, you might include the same items, but as you’re well aware, it’s no use putting them in a purse or other satchel unless it’s the size of a duffel bag big enough to hold the additional supplies and furniture you have to cart around.)

So here’s the suggested minimum basics from sites like Money Talks, Discover, etc.

FOR YOUR WALLET:

• $200 or less in cash (in $20’s and $5’s) to handle a basic emergency, or where a credit card isn’t an option.
• 2 credit cards and 1 debit card
• Driver’s license or ID card
• Your address and/or phone number (in case you leave the purse somewhere and would like to get it back).
• Emergency contact info
• Health and auto insurance cards
• Written reminder of your car’s license number for when it gets stolen or you can’t remember where you parked it.

It’s also recommended that you make a copy of the stuff in your wallet and keep it at home.

FOR THE REST OF YOUR PURSE:

• Handkerchief or tissue
• Hand sanitizer
• Masks and gloves
• Keys
• Phone and portable charger
• Pen and some kind of paper or notepad
• Sunglasses for those days we get sunshine
• Medications like aspirin or allergy relief pills

What we’re NOT supposed to have in our wallets or purses are social security cards, more than 2 credit cards, blank checks, lots of cash, passwords or PINs, and of course, your winning Mega-ball lottery ticket.

Which reminds me – what I’d like to know is this: how does somebody like Queen Elizabeth fit all that into her purse? Or what exactly is it that she puts in there? What could she possibly need a purse for — but she ALWAYS HAS ONE.

Thanks to some more internet snooping, I found out that what Her Highness stores in her purse are treats for her Corgis, her reading glasses, a handkerchief, mints, a fountain pen, a small mirror, lipstick and a metal makeup case (which was a gift from Prince Philip). It was also reported she carries good luck charms such as miniature dogs and horses, some family photos and a portable hook used to hang her bag under the table.

The photo above shows 3 images of Elizabeth. In each, she’s hanging onto her favorite purse: a small practical black patent-leather handbag. When it comes to her accessories, she keeps things simple. Almost every single time the queen appears in public, you’ll see it hanging off her left arm. She reportedly owns 200 purses, costing about $2,000 each, and all of them are made by London-based leather goods company Launer. She probably doesn’t keep any sales slips or coupons in there. Or any feminine hygiene or birth control products. Or an Ivar’s Fish birthday card.

Well. I’m happy to tell you that my purse is now neat and tidy and weighs less than the recommended maximum limit of 10 pounds.I won’t have to tilt to the side when I’m carrying it any more – at least till the next time it gets packed to the brim.

During the last years of his life, my husband Gene carried a wallet that he was exceedingly proud of. He had purchased it one time when he was in South Africa for a wine conference. It was made of crocodile leather and at one time it was quite respectable looking, but hey, time marches on! Every year, it was getting to look more derelict. As time went on, everytime he hauled it out to pay for something, I was MORTIFIED. After several years of use it had become pitifully bedraggled, but he couldn’t part with it – as I suspected – just because it came from South Africa.

One day, Gene and our son Matthew were riding in the car after a visit to Home Depot, where the wallet had once again been flashed in all its run-down glory. I was in the backseat jawing about when on earth was he ever going to replace that sorry looking piece of leather.

Looking for an ally, but figuring I couldn’t count on anything, I said, “Matthew. Look at this! What do you think of this South African wallet your Dad is so proud of?”

“Well”, said Matthew, solemnly. “It looks like it’s coming apartheid”.

The wallet never did get replaced. I still have it to this day, and it’s become one of my treasures of Gene that I’m deeply grateful to have. Life is strange, isn’t it?